Great Run

Can’t see the forest through the trees,

Can’t see the crazy through the mental illness.

Wild ride, was fun,

What broke you made you the best version of yourself after rebuilding it all.

I’d say theres better things to spend your time on, but being bitter is the side effect of not being better. Back to la la land Peter Pan.

Black Timbs And Black Hoodies

Hello?

Artificially flavored love

Left empty like the calories

Overdosed but I won’t diabetes for you

You’re sweet, but this isn’t real.

The world’s gone mad,

And I’ve gone mad for you,

Mad,

At you, over you, because of you, fuck you, forever and always, I love you.

Time Palace In America

Wow, what a whimsical world we live in.

Fortuitous fornication, I want to feel you again.

A first. It always feels like a first every time.

I want to have you in the same place where you first took your pants off.

Slow. Hesitant. Wet.

Sinking into you. Heaven.

Locked eyes, loose hips.

Sinking into you. Heaven.

I can still feel the exaggerated level of heat from that small room.

The results of we shouldn’t, never felt more like we should after it was over.

White wall, white wall.

Quickly, we have more laughter, more fun, and more steam to make.

The Lack There Of

My love floats for you

Break incase of emergency

I’m broken over you

I’m drowning baby

All I want to do is hold you close

Paralyzed in time

Roses blowing in the wind

Tie me up

Tie me down

Hold me up

Hold me down

You are the instrumental that made me feel alright

And even when your beauty stops singing

I still hum your melody to myself

I don’t smile as hard as I do unless I’m around you

Living in a city of glass

I just try not to cut myself when buildings break

Because I pray at night

That it’ll all be better in the morning

And her name was …

The moments –

Watching a romantic comedy with them while cold rain hits the window.

Christmas in New York. That big ass most magical of magical “Believe” sign written in script at Macy’s. Don’t forget the sidewalk full of snow.

Slow baking in the sun at the beach. The water washes away the new sand and some of your problems.

Being in a bodega to buy snacks and other bullshit to watch that romantic comedy.

People watching at the coffee shop. Ordering your favorite food to go.

Staring up at the stars while sitting next to someone you’ve just met.

Discovering treasure after diving off the deep end into a genre of unfamiliar music.

Ad-Free Tumblr(pre-Yahoo buyout). Hoodies. Pizza. Finding just enough money for food the day before payday. Being up at 2 a.m. to watch the direct deposit slide into your account. Twitter(circa the time when Favs were stars and most people didn’t understand the how to use it). Driving to virtually every town in the state to look for something to get into because of boredom.

The uncountable amount of trips to NYC and how beautiful the sky looked once you stepped out at your station to go home from one of the better days. The days when you were down and getting lost in the city was the best way to pick yourself up. The food, the people, and adventure, still incomparable.

And oh yeah, P.S. I Love You.

slow roasted angels

Gas and a light

Losing my sanity

When the rules are retroactive

And history is erased right before your eyes

Your eyes

I could stare at them all summer

Blink slower baby

This anxiety is eating me from the inside

Laziness is a disease

Feel weak like one of those dreams

The ones where you just let things happen

And you just watch

Only by accident should you be so lucky

And even then, could you defend it from them?

We risk our lives for what?

Scared to die, why?

If you win when no one wants to play anymore,

Does it still count?

I used to be afraid of ghosts

But not now

You are the pretty thing that lives in my head

Tableau

There are memories attached to these words, and feelings attached to these memories. I remember being in that lot, on the incline side, for a walk and you explaining what that word meant. I close my eyes, I can see you. I listen hard enough, I can hear you. I can only assume that life has cheated me and and I’ve sold myself short. I could not possibly imagine anything worse than mulling over a future diverged on a different path. Daydreaming about a life not yet lived and that I will never live. I never lost anyone, because I have never loved anyone. And that changed when I met you. both birds dead, same stone. I feel the world falling apart, and mine fading. You give me meaning. I find it to be both beautiful and terrifying. The most beautiful ghost I never seen. Your love should be illegeal Because when you left I felt like I was dying. I hope they take you in for homicide. All that’s left to do now is entertain myself with old memories. I feel like I may have did this human thing all wrong. Sometimes I just stare at pictures of your face. My favorite love story is ours. Even if it never gets reproduced into hundreds of copies, or passed on from one generation to the next, or made into a movie, I know, that what we have is better than Casablanca, The Notebook, or anything Disney could ever trademark. It’s mine. Before I’d dance with the idea that I’ll never be shit. But now I hold you close in my head hoping the music never stops. The highest high I’ve ever felt, came from our union and separation. I hope the residual of our love lives another lifetime with either your last name or mine. I get upset wondering how things went from wishing you were here, to wishing you the best. I watched happiness come, and I watched it go. But this time when it walked away, I didnt know it would be that beautiful. There’s a lot more that goes into loving you than I could ever put into words. So when you go, don’t forget to take my love with you. I won’t be needing it. I know I could never feel how I feel about you for someone else.

Untitled

I’ve never been more in love with anyone else in my entire life. It’s to the point where I want to throw all reason out of the window. Everything is empty now. A wild love. Because she’s a little bit of everything. Passion, persistence, patience, I fucking love you. It’s like my heart is on fire for you. I couldn’t find another you in another lifetime if I wanted to. If I could pick any time period to put on an endless loop it would start at the day I met you. I want to tell you things. I’m afraid. I’m sorry. Love is fuck. And I know you want to be mad at me, I want to be mad too. It’s easier to walk away when it’s fuck you, and fuck you too. But I want to fuck you and maybe you want to fuck too. Because when it was us together the world stopped. And I still feel it. I can’t pay attention to anything else. I just wish you’d understand. So that’s why even when everything disappeared, and you did too, I wanted to get over it how I get over everything, not caring. But I can’t. I’ve been infected by you, love sick.

Love Always,

I’m not perfect, but if I have roughly 100 years here I’m not going to waste it living vicariously through my cell phone.

I think it’s a good idea to get your midlife crisis out of the way before you arrive at that awkward purgatory peak between birth and death. Breath. Think. Then accept all of the things that you’re too old to do, and unable to do due to prior obligation. Optimism is amazing, and never say never, but being realistic about your circumstances can keep you from chasing a pipe dream that requires more time than you’re allowed on this Earth. Learn to accept all of those “hey, that’ll never happen” and the easier it gets. There are inherent limits to being human. I believe that you’re truly free when you no longer fear forever. Despair is a terrible feeling, and eternity is a really long time, but if death is the counterweight to life, aren’t you glad you at least experienced it? Maybe you’ll take your memories wherever you go. Maybe you won’t. But you’ll have to say goodbye the same way you said hello. If you could live forever, would you want to?

I’m grateful for my experiences, the people I’ve met and still know, the opportunities I’ve come across, and whatever force that keeps pushing me along.