What are the odds
What are the odds that I ended up here, out of all of the places I could have been
What about falling in love with the feeling of falling in love
The “what ifs” of every situation kept me so sedated from actually living in the moment I began to get sidetracked from who I was. I wasn’t making memories if I wasn’t making mistakes. Being on the fence about something is worse than being on either side of an issue or situation. Incidentally, at the very minimum if you chose the incorrect path, you can see your fault, and reroute. You have the opportunity to analyze the mindset before hand that led you to this path and from there make the nessecary adjustments, but if you chose to wither away standing in the same spot you started, because of anxiety, angst or fear, thinking you will never lose anything if you never try, you will lose time. Time, or the theory of, is one of the greatest assets bestowed to us. Time is a blank canvas, you can draw your life. We may have different canvases but I can choose what I want my final product to look like when I finally check out of life and say I’m done. Color my life, because we’ll never be these kids again.
What are the odds
Just a bunch of skid kids whose best options are no options. Others constantly controlling you, your parents, your government, your God, no option to opt out without opting out of life in general, life with strings attached. The language is rich but the people are poor, kinks in the hair but smiles still grace our face. Culture is our couture; forevermore, and it’s stitched into our sleeves. Hearts on our chest but commes des garçons is not on the tag. We built these cities on slopes. You’re too busy trying to figure out why the world doesn’t make sense. With just the right amount of wrong makes me feel like I can do anything. Life is a mandatory subscription, what’s your issue? Effortlessly cool lost angels, so caught up in the things that don’t matter, we’ve drifted so far away from the truth. Dead twins and doppelgängers. Genocide and Genesis. Meet me somewhere Inbetween.
I’ve been addicted to some of the worst things in life, bad relationships, self loathing and you just to name a few. Semi self-masochist because when I retract and relapse the pain just feels so good. There’s nothing more euphoric like the feeling of doing something we shouldn’t, we just don’t like to say these things out loud. You’re bad for me but I love you, I love you because I can’t love myself enough, so in my mind I need someone else to do it. What a high, what a rush, what a drug, what a …fuck. Maybe I’m as bad for you as you are for me and this high is a high we can only feel together, hopefully forever, until you or I, overdose. But if I die from this, perpetual bliss, I promise I couldn’t have chosen a better death. This love will kill me, I know it. I’ve watched my contacts dwindle down to the only person I can call is you. I’ve become coherent since I’ve left you and trying to have control in a world that doesn’t make sense, doesn’t make sense to me. I need every bit of fuckery you bring and I need to hear everyone close to me tell me I shouldn’t, it makes me want you that much more. The endurance is making me sick, but the sprint is what I live for baby, but baby, I love you and that’s all that matters and if you would love me too, I hope, but it’s ok if the words “I love you fall” to the floor when they leave your mouth before they reach me, because I’ll pick them up and dust them off and hold them close to my heart. I don’t want to be angry, I just want to be, okay. I just want to be … Okay? Okay, because when you’re “okay” you can get by, no highs, no lows, no coming downs, no mornings after, to be, just be, and that’s the feeling I get from we, not just I, but you and me and I know this feeling isn’t free, and it will cost me, my life and if it does make me feel better for now, I’m willing to pay everything I’ve earned in dignity … Just for another hit. I love you.
I woke up
And I saw the morning star
And I began to dream the dream of dreams and other far away places
The 11th hour
No birth no death
Serve me some of the old world vanity please,
The American Dream.
Head hunters in the market for meat,
And they want blood. Run.
Live like no one is watching,
I mean this room is so empty, I can only hear me. I can feel their eyes but I don’t care.
Soul for sale. I couldn’t find a more well put together human being if I tried.
My mind unfiltered
dripping down from my cerebral to the tip of my tongue with the power to move my own universe
I am the craftsman and these are my tools.
Sometimes I think about you when you’re not looking
…. Never mind, That sounds stupid …
Sometimes I think about you when you don’t think about me ….
If u had plans
Throw them away
Because u won’t be getting to them today
Hi my name is life,
nice to meet you,
If I come on too strong,
I don’t care.
…and I’m responsible for many mistakes, mishaps, malicious malevolent magnificence … I’m rambling … You get the moral… But if you didn’t…
I love to watch you, when you think you’re in control or you have me figured out …
I am the ocean and you are the sand … Watch me take you anywhere I please at any given time… Then watch you try to make sense of it all ….
A kiss like this is the essence of existence….
Women like you just need hugs and drugs….
Look at “bullshit” creeping around the corner, I see you…. and I’m going the other way. Always a petition to get my attention, no we can’t be friends, aqquintences or anything of the sort, nothing. I don’t know you, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU.
I’ve always been more interested connecting with humans on a more human level, take away the decadence, the extras, the money, the busyness, like Picasso’s theory of the bull, just the essentials of what makes being human….actually human.
I’ve never been less interested in the unnecessary excess baggage some humans fuse their soul with and project into the world. Why is it hard to separate us from our things, or our place in society from our personal beliefs? When did personal opinions become the law of the land. Life for the longest time has been chemistry, but what does that actually mean? What are the basic elements of what it means to be human? Remove ethics, the “what’s innately right or wrong” argument, materialism, convenience and what is left? Has what it means to be a person been so far removed from us because of everything we have diluted our existence with? We worry about Starbucks, the new iPhone and what our coworkers think about us, but what does that even matter? Is worrying about new stuff and validation from others, all life is meant to be? Genuine sentiment in examination … Maybe it’s not about the “what someone did” but maybe it’s the “why someone did” what they did. Maybe justice shouldn’t be how well you can sell your innocence to 12. We are quick to crucify but claim we believe in karma and don’t give karma time to cook. Is there a higher power or is this all happenchance?
Sometimes you just have to go with no direction and no plans purely just to wage war against stagnation. Tommorow has always been my problem, because when I get there, there’s always another one as far as I know. Days to weeks, weeks to months, months to etc… You understand. I wasn’t blessed with the gift to be two places at once or see multiple outcomes of different dicisions, I can only see what I did yesterday or yesteryear and then maybe adjust my course ahead after reviewing everything in hindsight. All of us are pilgramiging to death and someone decided to linearly chronograph everything until we get there, perhaps to know if we have enough time to wait at chipotle before we kick the big bucket. Would not knowing the an approximate time of how much life you have left with age make you more or less worried? How important is everything? Your friends, your stuff, to know that one day all of those memories you have you’ll take with you, albeit the photographs and video the random number of years they stay around until they’re forgotten too. Is trying extending your presence on this planet, past your presence, worth the trouble? Maybe life is like the wind, it’s there, you feel it and before you know it, it’s gone until the next wind comes along. How about turning into stars when we die, just to see what we miss after we’re gone. Imagine everyone that died before the cell phone was invited or the holy grail of all inventions this time period, “the internet”. Life can be a big bag of everything and nothing at the same time and even though I ask why all of the time, I’m grateful to be here.